“Try and enjoy the daylight…”
Tonight we began to lay the edited parts of the film down on the timeline. Now it’s looking like a movie. There is even some music layed down, though i suspect the rights won’t be aquired for most of it. Still, I feel like the Pope because I made something great. Finally.
And yet, somethings missing…
If you’re already familiar with my woes of loneliness, then stop reading.
What lies ahead is more of the same.
I can’t tell you why it is so important to me to be in a somewhat normal relationship with a somewhat stable female with a good head on her shoulders and, if i’m lucky, happens to be as cute as she is smart.
Maybe it has something to do with my fear that one day 40 years from now, prompted by an “odd smell”, a neighbor is going to find me alone in my modestly decorated home being devoured by my 17 cats.
See, at some point you have to stop and say ‘Shit, maybe it IS me. Maybe all these characteristics I THINK I have to offer are really the most off-putting things in the world: being a southern gent, a good cook, a good listener, and all that bullshit” And if all this is true, and I could have been spending the last 15 years being a selfish asshole, then I’m gonna be really pissed. ‘Cause I’m sure being a dick is a lot easier, and a lot more fun.
I don’t (think) I believe all that. Anyway, I made a movie about it.
We’ve all seen it. assholes get girls. Great girls, too. Girls we believe we deserve. But you have to ask yourself if you’d want a girl that’d let herself be a part of some fake relationship championed by a ass who ignores her and doesn’t offer her the smallest amount of respect. We have ALL seen it, time and time again, and there is no logic in it. And there never will be. And yes, we still want them. We tell ourselves that we can be heros to these girls, and give them what they deserve. But what if…
What if they are already getting what they deserve? What if some girls like or need to be with guys that don’t care if they stay or go? I won’t pretend to know what this shit is all about. I gave up a long time ago.
Hell, all I can do to make any sense out of it is create a fictionalized account for the screen. And even then, I feel odd because while the characters are complete asses and treat women like crap, they come of very fucking likable. I can guarantee that some girls will fall for my lead actors based completely on their performances as total dickweeds.
But this need to not die alone doesn’t consume me, it’s just a looming mystery that sits outside all I do. Wondering how my days would be different, my nights would be less trying, and my art would be better if I could share some…well, just share something.
Eh, If nothing else, I’ll get many years of material out of it. Until the whole thing bores me and I buy my first cat…
I don’t know.
All we can do is try to enjoy the daylight.
Movie soon…
June 1st, 2006 at 5:42 pm
There’s still adoption big guy, and I think women go for that kinda thing anyway. Me I have no idea why I can’t get even a date. I know everyone tells me to “GET OUT THERE”. But honestly, where is THERE? I have no friends that bring girls around. If anyone it would be my bro and he usually gets his pick before I do. I mean I have plenty of girls that love to talk to me about their boyfriends and there bullshit. Mostly because I don’t walk away when I should. I dunno, maybe it’s because I try to listen so I can pick up on some of these stupid things other guys do so I don’t do them. I’ve got this one beautiful girl, petite, cute, funny. She has no confidence in herself what so ever. Perfect opportunity, right? WRONG! She has no clue why I like her and supposedly she does not date? Whuh? Does not date…okay I guess that’s one hint I can take. Doesn’t like talking on the phone, so I can’t ask her for her number. Whuh? I guess that’s another hint. Shit man I don’t know, I just don’t. Why is it so hard for a white boy to grab some ass around here? I mean I admit I’m plump, but I ain’t lazy. It’s like all this hard work; six or seven months of losing weight, has done NOTHING FOR ME! I mean none of the women I talk to, know how hard I’ve been working for it, they just automatically think I sit on my ass, eat Doritos and watch TV. Which is fun and relaxing with a cream soda, but still. This is what scares me the most though man…I am beginning to hate women. The more they refuse me the more I just don’t want to deal with them anymore. And love horoscopes aren’t going to help. Maybe when I make some films, maybe, if only, I hope, when I, maybe I should…fuck it. I should try not to care anymore. Some people say I’m too aggressive, some people say I’m not aggressive enough, so I have no idea what’s going on. Shouldn’t I have figured it out by now? All I wanna do is have the luxury of holding some chicks hand while we go to the movies to watch some horrible date movie. I don’t even care if it’s The Prince and I. At least I get that sense of touch. Anyway (sigh)…
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Dawg,
I feel ya! Amen! Preach on! And I know that saying this is alot like saying, I know you didn’t get the million dollars but atleast you got to keep the rubberbands that held the bills together, but If I were a chick, I so woulda humped you by now.
As for the last quote, I didn’t know it.
But this one is from ‘Tales form the Darkside’
Boo-Yah!
Sean